Hello humans.
So as you can tell from the title of this post, eggs have been broken and milk has been spilt. Yet a tear was not shed. Someone swapped one of my eggs for a broken one.. Who does that??? At what point in your life do you think, "Hmmm, that persons eggs are so much better than my own. I know, lets swap one and see if they notice." I'm stumped... Why??? Surely this person didn't know that when I go to Aldi to purchase my eggs I do that little thing where you open the box and examine the eggs to make sure you don't buy any broken ones. You know, you judge each individual egg and if even one of them doesn't pass the test you swap the box, making the old box feel unloved. Pretty sure that was the idea behind Sausage Party. Anyway, I digress. Somethings are best left alone.
Moving to University you realise that you can't trust the people you live with, they will do anything they can to eat/drink your stuff without you noticing. They will cut THE tiniest slither of your cheese just to taste it and have the satisfaction of knowing they got away with it. Before you know it all of the cheese is gone and the original owner of said cheese only had a small cheese toastie with it, yet it's gone. How is this possible? Is there a mouse in the house? A rat in the flat? No but there are snakes!!! They WILL lie to you, they will swear down that they had nothing to do with the disappearing cheese. You've just bought milk, you think "this should last me a while, I only use it for tea. I'll only get a small one." HA! How naive of you. While you're in class or have decided to go out for the day with friends, the snakes will drink some of said milk. But only if it's already opened. If it's not open, the milk is safe. But that is no way to live! You have to open that milk eventually, you're dying for a cuppa but you know that as soon as you pull that white cap off the top of the milk, the snakes will smell it. The only thing you can do at this point is to write your name on it. Yes, that will stop them!
Do NOT get me started on the bathroom. Okay, I'll tell you.
You buy your favourite shower gel/shampoo/conditioner/body scrub/etc... You have your little corner of the bath where you keep the things you decided to spend money on and you think it will be safe. You are wrong! So very wrong. Now if you live with girls you're usually ok as they too have bought their favourite things too. But if you live with a guy (heaven forbid) your stuff with never be safe. He may have his little corner with one little bottle of "We Do Everything, Body, Hair and Face" but he will not be satisfied with smelling like a man! Oh no, he will wait until he thinks no one will notice and slowly use up all of your special, organic shampoo that gives you the same volume as turbo wind. Or he'll lather his body up with your body scrub you saved up for which smells like the rain forest and makes you as soft as a babies bottom (however soft that may be). You'll go to use your stuff and they'll be a little less full, but you think nothing of it because a guy wouldn't possibly want to smell like a girl!?? Would he? SNAKE. Living with a guy is tough, they like to pee in the shower, if you own anything that falls off the side of the bath into the pool below you may as well just throw it out right away, and then take 1000 showers afterwards to cleanse your body and soul. But don't worry, your razors will be safe.......
The best place to keep all of the things that are sacred to you is in your bedroom. This is your sanctuary and no one will touch them unless you invite them to. But that's weird so don't do that.
Unless they really like you and you really like them and they're like a sibling to you, then it's totally acceptable and you should take full advantage of having at least one flatmate who isn't a snake. You'll cherish the moments you spend together because eventually you will all move out and probably never speak to any of them again. You'll be happy for the most part that you never have to endure the horrid singing of one of the snakes at four in the morning or that one flatmate who likes a few drinks and decides to come home in his drunken state and walk into EVERY wall in the house, occasionally hitting a few of the doors on the way to his room which is at the other side of the flat. Or never having to smell the wretched smell coming from the kitchen as someone has tried to do some home cooking instead of buying their usual Sainsburys basics microwave curry.
But once you're out of that horrible flat where nothing works and the internet is shit, you'll probably be sad that you can no longer see that one flatmate you really liked and actually bonded with over swiping left to boys on Tinder. She was there for you when you went through those awkward breakups and those poorly moments. She looked after you no matter how much work she had to do and YOU will miss her. But don't worry, if she moves into a house not far from yours, there's always a possibility of sleepovers.
One day you'll look back at your time in halls and realise you lived in a Zoo! Yeah there was BBQ sauce on the walls, yeah the floor never got hoovered because the hoover broke that one time you lent it to someone on another floor, toilet paper was a rarity because people insisted it wasn't their turn to buy it, and the bath was probably never cleaned. But all of that is ok when you're 20.
Thanks, for reading and thanks to Bethany Simmons for thinking of the title to this page.
Love Nadia xxx
No comments:
Post a Comment