It's been a while, I apologise.
Everything is changing at the moment, I'm packing everything I own into a few boxes and suitcases. It makes me realise that I don't actually own that much but more than I think I did. My walls are looking bare now I've taken my posters down, I'm debating whether or not to put them back up until the day I leave. I've kept all of my makeup out still, so that it feels like my bedroom. The house is super quite now that my housemates have moved out, the house feels huge and I feel alone... Which I am.
I have two weeks of being by myself, in this house. Passing by the girls bedrooms and seeing nothing in there makes me feel so emotional. I can't stop crying and I hate myself for it. I'm actually crying while writing this. How lame is that. Being on my own makes my brain think 200x faster and about the most stupidest of things, depressing things. That's why I try and avoid being alone.
I still need to find somewhere to live in Manchester, leaving everything till last minute as per usual. Good one Nadia. At least college is over with so I can focus mainly on packing my life away and moving on to the next chapter. I'll be officially moved out of this house in two weeks. Two weeks!!! That's not long at all. How am I supposed to get anything done in that short amount of time!!!! See, all I'm doing is panicking and not going anywhere.
I've started packing my clothes away and I've already filled one suitcase, I have no idea where I'm going to put the rest of my stuff. The last time I did this I had the aid of a packing master (a.k.a my dad) and I can't seem to figure out how he managed it. I suppose I could sit on it to close it... I'm sure I'll figure it out, eventually.
I'm so nervous about living in Manchester, it's such a big place and I get lost so easily. There I go again, panicking over stupid things.
I'm flitting from subject to subject. I'm sorry, I'm nervous, annoyed, sad, confused. All of the above. My face is red and blotchy from having cried all day. I hate crying, no one looks good doing it, don't believe those Disney Princesses. It' always so snotty and gross looking, even the person who loves you the most in the whole world will be disgusted when you cry in front of them. Sorry to be so blunt about it.
I'd love to be able to go out and have a drink to take my mind off all of this, but alas there is no one to go out with. Unless I go alone, but I don't quite think that'll have the same effect as I need.
Anyway, I feel as though I've rambled on enough, I'll let you all have an amazing Sunday where you gorge yourselves on Sunday Roast.
I love you all dearly, thanks for reading..
Hope to see you next time.
Nadia xxx